Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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