it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
