They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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