it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
