i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
