your room smells of hookers.
And success
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
