if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
