I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
