Apparently you make a good broom.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
