My friends, they love my intelligence
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
