I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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