Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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