I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
