I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
