I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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