omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
