all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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