she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
