I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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