You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
