so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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