I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The adults are the big ones right?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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