OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize