And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
