On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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