Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
