I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
