new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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