You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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