i don't like sucking hair
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
