I just threw up on my dentist
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
