I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
