who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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