I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
