Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
