and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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