how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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