I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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