my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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