if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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