Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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