So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
