His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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