Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
