Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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