I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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