I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
