If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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