I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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