Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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