do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
