he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
