Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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