yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
