Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
