I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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