But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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