I wish I could punch you in the face.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
