Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
