i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
