I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
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Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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