yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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