If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
