i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
