My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Bring me that man meat
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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