whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
