Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
