high people should be assigned attendants
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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