the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Damn victory sex feels great
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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