We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
