ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
