wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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