That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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