Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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