Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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