Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
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There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
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I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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