my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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