I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
