I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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